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Talking about Mental Health: Advice for Parents and Carers
Talking about mental health isn’t easy, whether you’re talking about how you’re feeling or talking to someone about how they are. Many parents and carers find it tough trying to talk to their children about their mental health and aren’t sure how to navigate conversations or get through to them.
The tips on this page may offer a starting point if you are concerned about your child or want to open some conversations about their wellbeing.
Advice for speaking to your child
Let them know you're there
Let your child know that you are there if they ever want to talk about how they’re feeling, but don’t put pressure on them to. If they do want to talk to you, make sure you’re listening with empathy, reassure them that their feelings are valid and you aren’t going to judge them for anything they say.
Don't try to 'fix' everything
Don’t put pressure on yourself to try and fix all your child’s problems. It doesn’t happen overnight. What you can do is make sure they know you are there to support them, comfort them and talk with them.
Start small
If you haven’t really talked with them about their mental health before, having little conversations here and there, like how they were doing today, saying that you understand and are there for them, instead of jumping straight in with an in-depth conversation about their mental health.
Be open yourself
Talking to them about how you’ve been doing and how you’re feeling can help to normalise those sort of conversations and show that being open and talking about your feelings is acceptable and healthy.
Choose a suitable time
Young people will probably be less receptive to a conversation if they’re already doing something else themselves, like concentrating on the TV, playing video games or reading. Starting a chat when you’re already doing something together might work better, for example if you are in the car together or eating together.
Distractions make it easier
Young people may feel less ‘awkward’ about these conversations if it’s not a direct face-to-face talk, so if the TV is on in the background and you’re not really watching, or if you’re out on a walk in the park together or in the car together, there is a distraction there so it feels like a less pressurised situation.
Useful resource: Mental health pain scale
Sometimes, like adults, children might not know where to start when talking about how they’re feeling. Using a mental health pain scale that they can point to can help you to understand how they’re feeling if they don’t know what words to use or if they don’t want to talk about it.
If your child is seeing a counsellor or mental health professional
After their sessions ask them how they’re feeling, not what they talked about. Sessions are a private space between your child and the professional, so afterwards how they are feeling is more important to you.
What if they don’t want to talk?
If they don’t want to talk, that is okay and it doesn’t mean that they never will. They may not necessarily want to talk about their mental health right now because they don’t feel ready to, or they don’t feel comfortable talking about it with you. They will talk in their own time, not yours. some things to consider are:
Your child might find it easier to open up to someone they are not as close to, like a counsellor, youth worker or someone at school, because there is less emotional connection there and that is healthy and perfectly normal.
Explore how they want to be supported or any barriers that you can work on together, for example, your child may just want to be heard and not want answers or advice. You could agree to just be there to listen to them and comfort them, letting them know you may have some ideas if they want to talk about them at another time.
Think about what other ways you can support them that might make their life a little easier. For example, if you can see that they don’t have the energy to attend something on the weekend that they don’t necessarily have to go to, would the extra space help them to find some calm?
Are there other ways you can support their mental health without talking? This could be things like a journal, some craft materials, access to free music. This can all help your child feel seen and understood by you, which may help with opening up conversations in the long term.
Look after yourself too
If anything is affecting the way you are feeling, make sure you talk to someone and seek support too. If you aren’t looking after yourself, you can’t properly look after others too. Taking a bit of time for yourself is not selfish and does not mean you’re disregarding your child’s needs.
Reaching out for further support
It is important to ask your child whether they want some more support. Some children may just need comfort rather than extra support and that is okay.
Organisations like No Limits have specialist support for different levels of mental health and emotional wellbeing needs for young people, including No Limits youth workers who are able to be seen without needing an appointment. You may also wish to contact your child’s school and let them know if you are concerned about their wellbeing, as they may have support teams who can help. Your child’s GP will also be able to refer them into specialist mental health support services.
There are some websites that have great information and advice for parents and carers about how they can look after themselves as well as support their child. Some recommendations are:
– Young Minds
– Parenting Smart
– Hampshire Parent and Carer Network
In Southampton if you are a parent or carer of a young person aged 16-25 who needs mental health support, visit the Re:minds website as they offer support to parents and carers.
Useful links
Mental health & wellbeing
View all of our free mental health & wellbeing support for children & young people under 26 in Southampton, Hampshire, Portsmouth and the Isle of Wight, including crisis services, counselling, self-help and youth worker support.
Supporting your child with No Limits
If your child is being supported by No Limits’ therapeutic services, this page has information about our counselling and youth wellbeing practitioner sessions for your child and what you can do to support yourself and your child further outside of sessions.
Parents and professionals
If you’re a parent or carer, teacher or wellbeing lead, GP or other health professional, this page will tell you more about how No Limits can support your young person.