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Handling a Breakup
Breakups are never easy, no matter how long the relationship lasted or how it ended. Whether it was your first love or a relationship that felt really serious, it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed, hurt or even numb. This page is here to help you understand your emotions, give you tools to cope and show you where to go if you need a bit more support.
Understanding your feelings after a breakup
After a breakup, it’s very common to feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster. You might be feeling several things all at once and that’s okay. Emotions don’t always make sense, especially when something meaningful ends.
You might feel:
Sad
It’s natural to grieve the loss of someone who was an important part of your life.
Angry or frustrated
You might be upset about how things ended or feel let down.
Confused
If the breakup happened suddenly or without clear reasons, it’s easy to be left with unanswered questions.
Guilty
You might be blaming yourself, even if the breakup wasn’t your fault.
Relieved
If things weren’t going well or felt unhealthy, you might feel free or unburdened.
Lonely
Losing a person you were close to can leave a space that feels empty.
Try this
Take a moment each day to check in with yourself. You could journal how you’re feeling or even record a voice note just to get it out of your head. Giving your feelings space helps you begin to understand them.
Looking after your mental health
Heartbreak doesn’t just affect your emotions — it can also have a big impact on your mental and physical wellbeing. You might feel tired all the time, find it hard to concentrate, or even struggle with eating or sleeping. These are signs your body and brain are dealing with a big emotional load.
Things that can help include:
Talk to someone you trust
A friend, family member, trusted adult or No Limits youth worker can make a big difference, offering you reassurance and someone to voice your feelings to.
Be kind to yourself
You’re not expected to bounce back instantly. Healing takes time, so allow yourself that time. Take baby steps and don’t pressure yourself into doing anything that feels too much.
Try not to bottle things up
Keeping everything inside can make it feel more intense and your feelings can become too much if you don’t let your emotions out. It is okay to cry, shout and question. Make sure you have somewhere or someone you can go to to let your feelings out.
Do something physical
This can help you to not bottle things up. Even a short walk around the block can help to clear your head. Movement clears adrenaline and cortisol from your body, which makes you feel stressed and makes it harder to think clearly. Movement and exercise also increase our blood flow and produce endorphins, a chemical that makes us feel happy and positive.
Keep a routine
Try to stick to regular sleeping and eating patterns, even if you’re struggling with it. This will help your body to get the nutrients and rest it needs to function and think properly, which will help you to feel better quicker.
Reaching out and talking it through
You don’t have to deal with a breakup by yourself. Talking to someone can help take the pressure off and give you the chance to feel heard. You could talk to a close friend who will listen without judgment, a parent or family member, teacher or school counsellor or a No Limits youth worker.
If you’re not sure what to say, that’s okay. You don’t need a script. Starting off with something simple like ‘I’m finding this breakup really hard and just need to talk’, or ‘I don’t know how to feel but I think I need someone to listen’ can help.
If you want to talk to someone, we’ve got links to support at the bottom of this page.
Managing phones and social media after a breakup
In the age of Instagram, Snapchat and TikTok, breaking up doesn’t always mean cutting contact. You might still see you ex’s posts, stories or even get messages. Lots of our lives are lived through phones and this can make moving on harder.
A couple of things you might want to consider are deleting their number to negate any temptation to text or call them, and deleting any pictures you have of them. While this might be hard, your pain will only last longer if you keep looking at old pictures of you with them.
Some things that can help with social media are:
1) Mute or unfollow their account for a while. You don’t have to block them forever, but giving yourself space is healthy.
2) Avoid posting for attention. It might feel satisfying in the moment, but it can keep you stuck in the drama.
3) Don’t stalk their profile. Constantly checking what they’re up to can make it harder to move forward.
4) Take a break from social media altogether if it starts affecting your mental health.
Remember, you’re allowed to protect your peace and your healing matters more than what’s happening online. Think ‘out of sight, out of mind’.
How can I help a friend?
Listen
Your friend might just need someone who will sit with them and listen. You don’t have to try and fix them, you just need to be there for them.
Avoid saying things like 'you'll get over it'
Even if that’s true, it can feel dismissive of how they’re feeling right now.
Be patient
They might need to talk about it a lot, and talk about the same things, but this is just part of their process of understanding it all. It can take a long time to get over something like a breakup, so give them that time.
Include them
Invite them to hang out, go for a walk or do something fun. Even if they say no, knowing you care matters. Encouraging them to do things with you might also help to focus their mind on something else.
When a breakup feels unsafe or unhealthy
Sometimes breakups aren’t just bad. They can become toxic, intense or even dangerous. If your ex-partner is pressuring you, harassing you, or threatening you in any way, that’s not okay. It’s emotional abuse and you don’t have to deal with it alone.
Warning signs of this can include:
– Not stopping messaging or calling even after you ask them to stop
– Spreading rumours or trying to control what others think
– Threatening to hurt you or themselves
– Showing up at your home or school unexpectedly.
If any of this is happening, tell someone immediately. Speak to a teacher, parent, youth worker or contact a support service.
Support for abuse or toxic relationships:
Refuge
For women and children against domestic violence – 24/7 free helpline on 0808 2000 247
Respect Men’s Advice Line
Supporting men affected by domestic abuse – Phone 0808 801 0327 (Mon – Fri 10am – 5pm)
NSPCC
For anyone concerned about a young person – Phone 0808 800 5000 (Mon – Fri 10am – 4pm)
Stop Domestic Abuse
Supporting and protecting victims and survivors of domestic abuse and stalking in Hampshire – Click here
Yellow Door
Preventing and responding to domestic and sexual abuse in Hampshire – Click here
Moving on and rebuilding confidence
Healing from a breakup isn’t about forgetting the other person, it’s about remembering yourself. This is a chance to learn, grow and take back your sense of self.
Start a new hobby
This could be art, music, sport, cooking – anything that interests you. Try to fill your spare time with something that engages you so your mind doesn’t wander.
Focus on your goals
Set yourself some targets for what you want to achieve in the short and medium term. This will give you something to work towards, whether it’s getting a grade at school, learning something from a new hobby, or just wanting to feel a bit better, but don’t put pressure on yourself to do this one too quickly!
Celebrate small wins
Even getting out of bed and brushing your teeth on a tough day is a positive achievement. Try to keep a positive mindset for yourself, thinking about all the small things you do achieve rather than getting yourself down for anything you haven’t.
Reconnect with friends
Sometimes relationships make us drift away from our friends; this is a chance to rebuild friendships and spend some more time with people you might have seen less of.
You’re allowed to heal in your own time. Don’t rush and don’t compare yourself to anyone else.
Want to talk to No Limits?
Our Advice & Wellbeing Hub gives you lots of ways to get in touch with our youth workers. There is in-person support in Southampton at our Advice Centre, Avenue Drop-in and school & college drop-ins and you can also get in touch via phone or webchat. You can also take a look at more of our online resources for information and advice from our youth workers.
Want to talk to someone else?
This organisations will also be able to help you.
SHOUT – Free, anonymous 24/7 text service – Text ‘SHOUT’ to 85258
Childline – Free phone line for anyone under 19 in the UK, available 24/7 – Call 0800 11 11
